When working with diverse ages of people, I hear all sorts of concerns: everything from how to manage spending to how to save for a lifestyle change. Lately, I’ve been hearing more about another looming anxiety: parent finances.  Are you worried about your parents’ finances? This is an often overlooked and under-discussed area of a client’s life, if relevant. But parent finances are an important part of understanding your financial situation and its future. It can also be a potential conversation minefield, so today I’d like to talk about some strategies for approaching this topic.

You might think, well, what do my parents’ finances have to do with me? A lot, as it turns out. Because money is an often untouched topic in families, many parents fail to share much about their own financial state. Their financial choices may bring them embarrassment or shame; on the flip side, they might be safeguarding what they’re earned and not wanting to influence their child’s behavior. The reasons run the gamut, so if you’re completely in the dark, it’s best to consider the possibilities and what they mean for you.

Not knowing about your parent’s situation can cause some understandable anxiety about your own. You might be asking yourself if you need to set aside more money than you planned, or if you’ll need to support your parents as they age. The impact on your life can be significant, especially if you’re not prepared for it.

While some may be afraid of not being able to help their parents, those who have an inheritance coming have their own set of worries. They often wonder if they need to be stretching themselves in order to save, instead easing the pressure and relying more on their inheritance; though this can be a tricky situation, as you don’t want to go too extreme and put your eggs all in one basket.

How to start the conversation about your parent’s finances?

A good first step is to be proactive about this topic with your parent or parents. Be prepared that they may not be open to sharing at first, but introducing and framing the topic with care and concern can go a long way. The important thing is to have multiple conversations over time so you can get the bigger picture (as much of it as they’ll allow).

If you can get the conversation going, here are a few pointers to guide you in your conversation about parent’s finances:

1. Be gentle and non-judgmental! Your parents may be embarrassed about their finances, or they may not have a plan at all. Any number of emotions can come up during a topic about family money. They may or may not have had professional help dealing with their finances over the years.
2. Enlist more support! Share your concerns with other siblings or close family members that you trust. Bounce ideas off each other for ways to have productive conversations.
3. Think about boundaries! What would support look like for you if you needed to provide it? Consider what you would be willing to do or not, and what parameters you’d need to put into place to protect your own financial well-being.
4. Help them get organized! If they’re not quite sure about their financial plan, help them paint their financial picture. Start by understanding what resources they have to draw on. Ask if they have any debts (remember, no judgment!), savings, or investments. If they have a plan, ask what they intend to do and how involved you can be. Stress to them that their choices affect you, too.  
5. Have multiple conversations! If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to revisit this topic several times. If you’re already thinking about it, it’s time to bring it up. Don’t wait! You’ll need more time than you think, especially if your parent is reticent to share.
6. Consider their stage of life! As hard as it may be, talking about death or incapacitation is an important part of this conversation. Have they organized their estate and health care planning? What’s the game plan if something happens to them?

Whenever possible, put your concerns and anxieties aside to really listen to your parents. This is just as much about them as it is you – in the best case scenario, you’re in it together. Even though it may be difficult, preparing yourself for whatever circumstances arise is the best way to take care of your financial futures.

Jim Marrocco, CFP®, CFA

Jim is a financial advisor and owner of Thinking Big Financial, Inc. Thinking Big Financial is a fee-only registered investment advisor offering financial planning and investment management services. Specializing in working with the LGBTQ Community.

Please read my legal disclaimer here.